I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
