Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
