So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
