We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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