she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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