I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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