I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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