It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
