How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
