I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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