I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think my moral compass just broke
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
