Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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