So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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