i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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