I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
