hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Alive.
So much puke
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
