The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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