I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
