Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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