I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
