I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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