I got chris browned last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
