i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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