We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
worst night to have a conscience
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
