I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
