You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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