Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
