I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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