New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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