Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
