i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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