i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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