3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
