Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
