I just cut my nipple shaving
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
