Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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