Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
