Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
