You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
