its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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