im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
