Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
