I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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