All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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