Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
