Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
