Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
