Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
