then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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