I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
