i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
