i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
