Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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