a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
