I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
